Talking about pregnancy options with your teen
“I’m pregnant.”
It’s never the news we’re expecting as parents, but it can happen.Immediately, we are going to be flooded with emotions. For many of us, it may be fear, anger, concern, confusion, and shock.
All the initial things we want to say are just those raw emotions wanting to find a way out of us. If ever there was a time to practice some restraint, this is it. What we say next will forever impact the relationship with our child.
What can I possibly say?
As you try to wrap your head around what happened and what it means, buy yourself some time by asking questions. Try something like, “Wow! That is big news. How are you feeling about it?”
Though you are definitely distracted, try to really listen to what your child is saying. Chances are, they are scared and anxious, and it took all they had to tell you.
Once they have shared some of their initial thoughts with you, it’s time to share some feedback.
Acknowledge any feelings they share. Validate them. Then, remind them that you love them.
There are several possible reasons why this happened, and this moment is not the time to dwell on them or assign blame. This moment is the time to let your child know that you love them and support them.
In a few days, when you’re both calm, you can have deeper, more uncomfortable conversations. It’s important to be open to these uncomfortable conversations, but not force them. These conversations may be long and productive or very short and don’t feel like they go anywhere. You both need time to build readiness for the difficult conversations. All of that is normal.
Okay. I’m calm. Now what?
There are some big decisions that need to be made, and your child will need your support. Young minds are still learning to make complicated decisions like these, so helping your child learn about the options they have and weighing the pros and cons of each, can be a great way to “be in it” together.
Finding professional support can be incredibly helpful as you both continue to absorb the news. Our trusted, local healthcare providers are a great resource for this kind of support.
What about their partner?
It’s totally normal to have some strong feelings about your child’s partner right now, but take a moment to think about whether your child has already talked to them. If they have, their partner might be feeling just as unsure about everything. No matter what happens, your child is going to need support from their partner and the people around them.
The truth is, having the partner involved can really help your child through this. The way you respond—both to your child and their partner—can make a big difference in how they handle everything. Your support and how you approach this situation can really help your child during this time.
But what if I think they’re making a mistake?
One of the hardest parts about being a parent is thinking they might be making a mistake, but all we can do is support our children and share our lived experiences with them. We run the risk of alienating our children and pushing them away if we pressure them into any decision. No matter what they decide, it must be the right decision for them. You may not agree, but part of growing up is making decisions for themselves with the information they have. You can make sure they have the best information. And you can love them.
Their life may not end up looking like what you thought it would, but your support will help them have the best chance at long-term health and happiness.
Be sure to check out more of our blogs about relationships and visit our clinic locator where young people can access free, confidential healthcare.
