Supporting Students Who May Be Experiencing Emotional or Physical Abuse

Teen dating violence is more common than you might think. According to Love is Respect, one in three teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse before reaching adulthood. As a school employee, you are likely to encounter students experiencing teen dating violence.

School staff can help identify and support students affected by dating violence by learning the signs of unsafe relationships. Your regular presence in their lives gives you an opportunity to help students learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, model safe and healthy behaviors, and influence the safety of the overall school environment. Many students benefit from supportive environments that provide opportunities to solidify their own attitudes, beliefs, boundaries, and behaviors.

Is their relationship safe?

Relationships exist on a continuum ranging from healthy to unhealthy to abusive. As you are walking the halls and interacting with students, you are in a unique position to observe their interactions and behaviors. When you are constantly moving from one student concern to the next, it can be challenging to recognize patterns or warning signs just from quick observations in the hallways.

Abusive relationships often share common patterns and many people experience similar struggles. Below are some common signs you may see or that a student may disclose. Keep in mind, this is not a complete list of all experiences a person may have or report.

• Communication that is hurtful, threatening, insulting, or demeaning
• Disrespecting their partner’s feelings, thoughts, decisions, or opinions
• Physical aggression that hurts or injures (hitting, slapping, choking, pushing, or shoving)
• Blaming the partner for their own actions, making excuses, or minimizing the concerning behaviors
• Controlling and isolating a partner by telling them what to wear, who to hang out with, where they can go, what they can do, etc.
• Pressuring or forcing their partner to do things they don’t want to do; blackmailing their partner if they resist or say no.

Paying attention to behavior

The full dynamics of a relationship often remain hidden from an outsider’s perspective, but sometimes the way partners interact with each other can offer subtle clues about the health of their relationship. While we may not see obvious signs of abuse, there are key signals that could indicate something is wrong:

• New problems related to school attendance.
• Lack of interest in former extracurricular activities.
• Sudden requests for changes to their schedule.
• Unexplained changes in their behavior, grades, or quality of their schoolwork.
• Noticeable changes in weight or physical appearance.
• Isolation from former friends.
• Making excuses for their partner’s inappropriate behavior.

As you read this list, you will notice that some of these changes may indicate other areas of concern, including substance use and mental health concerns.

Trust your instincts and your observations – all behavior tells a story.

Along with individual behaviors, community factors can increase the likelihood of young people experiencing abusive relationships. By creating a safe and supportive school environment, we are building protective factors to buffer from the violence they may be exposed to in their community.

I’m concerned about a student. How can I help?

When sharing your observations and concerns with a student, it is important to be clear in your communication, stay calm, and remain curious. Students will feel more comfortable to open-up when they feel safe and heard. Though silence might feel uncomfortable, it is an incredibly powerful tool when creating a safe space for a student to disclose a problem they are experiencing. Be aware of your non-verbal and paraverbal cues – students will know they can share openly and honestly with you when they feel you are not judging them.

If you are concerned about a student that you don’t know well, it may be necessary to connect with this student multiple times until they feel the trust necessary to share their story and seek your assistance.

If a student shares information that reveals they are in an unsafe relationship, here are a few things you can do.

• Share that what they are experiencing is not normal and that it is not their fault.
• Validate their feelings and show your support for them.
• Avoid minimizing the situation due to their age, inexperience, or the length of their relationship.
• Connect the student with community supports like counseling, legal advice, support groups, healthcare and other specialized supports, and encourage their family’s involvement, when possible.
• Remember that it is the young person’s decision to leave the relationship. Their timeline may be different from yours. Keep supporting them until they are ready for change.

For adolescents, learning how to navigate relationships can be difficult – especially when the relationship is unsafe or abusive, which many young people find themselves in. As school staff, you can be equipped to intervene and keep your students safe. Knowing the warning signs, creating safe spaces for students, and connecting them to experts in your community are crucial to helping young people develop and maintain healthy relationships throughout their lives.

Be sure to check out more of our blogs about relationships and visit our clinic locator where young people can access free, confidential healthcare.